Maternity Top Failbomb: Extreme Pouf Edition

By | July 20, 2017

Maternity Sewing Top

Okay, so I’ve shown off the best of my me-made maternity wear. Time for the rest of it! (You didn’t think it would all work out, did you?)

The plan was to make a top with very modern lines — fitted through the bust, with some interesting neckline and armhole details, with an architectural flared bottom. Maybe even some horsehair braid to make it really stand out! Something bold and interesting, a la Beaute j’Adore.

Somehow I ended up with this monstrosity:

So not amused by this top

It’s basically everything a modern woman would strive to avoid in maternity wear. Doesn’t it remind you of sewing patterns from the ’50s and ’60s, where the goal is hide the pregnancy in an unflattering and slightly shameful way? Like, “Nothing to see here, folks, this blob is barely a woman at all!”

Vintage Maternity Garment

Like with my other maternity makes and hacks, I was freewheeling this one. I borrowed the bodice from a Simplicity pattern I’ve used before, forgetting how wide the neckline was. Strike 1.

What is even happening here?

Then, I figured, hey, I really only need to accommodate the belly. I’ll cut the same size I cut previously. Easy, right? I cut the bodice just a bit below the end of the bust darts, planning for the flared bottom to be attached at that point. Oops. I forgot that I’ve gone up at least a cup size in the bust. After fussing adding lining to this top, making mistakes, ripping out stitches, and finally getting it right, I tried it on. And it totally wouldn’t fit over my chest. Strike 2.

Super-intense bust shelf happening. Totally intentional, trust me.

No big deal. I’ll start the gathered portion in a more accommodating place. So I went ahead and cut the widest swath of fabric I could for front and back and gathered it all up — Statement Pouf was still the goal. End result: sad maternity tragedy. Strike 3.

Oh jeez — the back is as heinous as the front!

I mean, it’s not even comfortable to wear. Even the husband is like, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s pretty bad.” I’ve worn it a total of once.

They can’t all be winners, folks. No harm, no foul — but in an Instagram world where we usually only see the pristine and sparkly, I *had* to show off this trainwreck. The silver lining? I’m going to have a tiny person in my life very soon, which means there’s enough fabric to easily repurpose fails into cute little tops and dresses. Welcome to the closet, you Maternal Misstep — don’t get too comfortable in there!

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